The Treatment Of Women Within The Criminal Justice System

There have been many changes in the treatment of offenders by the Criminal Justice System in England and Wales, particularly the treatment of female offenders. The handling of women within the criminal justice system has been closely tied to their social characteristics, and to what might be described as their ‘social construction’. On the other hand, women who compromise more than half of the world’s population, account for only 15% of criminal activity and as a consequence, relatively little attention has been given to them. This essay will explore how this has changed from a historical point of view to modern times, with exploration from cross-culture comparisons and an overview of the treatments of females in prisons. The legal definition of crime is â€Å"an act of violation of a criminal law for which a punishment is prescribed; the person committing it must have intended to do so and must have done so without legally acceptable defence or justification† (Walsh Hemmens 2008:2). Alternatively, deviance is any social behaviour which departs from that regarded as ‘normal’ or socially acceptable within a society or social context (Jary Jary 1991:160). The underlining focus of my essay is The Criminal Justice System in England and Wales which is a key public service consisting of various bodies and individuals including: the Police, Crown Prosecution Service, Her Majesty’s Court Service, National Offender Management Services (Probation and Prisons) and Youth Justice Board.Show MoreRelatedChallenges Faced By Female And Aboriginal Offenders Essay1420 Words   |  6 Pagesthe overrepresentation of Aboriginal people in the criminal justice system also poses several concerns. Female offenders on the other hand have a higher risk of having administrative, and mental health issues. This paper will address both factions and their individual problems and the reform that is needed within the criminal justice system. Aboriginal offenders have a diverse set of challenges they face in their community, and in the prison system. There are many cases in which the community is involvedRead MoreWomen Of The Criminal Justice System1364 Words   |  6 Pagescreated to work with women in each stage of the criminal justice process. The three stages referred to within this organization are women who are at risk, are involved in the criminal justice system, and recovery and transition from institutions, to effectively reintegrate back into society (Elizabeth Fry Society of Greater Vancouver, 2012). The organization was established by Elizabeth Fry, 1839, who was deemed a significant advocate for humane treatment of women, specializing in women and children regardingRead MoreInjustice Is An Unfair Treatment1209 Words   |  5 Pagesdoesn’t speak up about unfair treatment, they are allowing injustice to infect everyone. The Webster dictionary definition states, â€Å"Injustice is an unfair treatment o r situation in which the rights of a person or a group of people are ignored (Merriam-Webster).† There are various examples of injustice in the Criminal Justice System, the occupation field, and the education system that negatively impact the citizens in America. To begin with, the Criminal Justice System is meant to protect citizensRead MoreCriminology And Sociology : Criminology1296 Words   |  6 Pagesbetween everyday people to vastly complex international or multinational relationships. Within this they attempt to understand the social processes; that is why humans think and behave in a certain way. Concepts and Theories of Criminology and Sociology: The generalisability problem is a concept within feminist criminology that adds women to male knowledge on crime, thereby the findings on men are generalised to women. This concept aims to create a neutral criminological theory that does not have anyRead MoreInjustice Is An Unfair Treatment1212 Words   |  5 Pagesdoesn’t speak up about unfair treatment, they are allowing injustice to infect everyone. The Webster dictionary definition states, â€Å"Injustice is an unfair treatment or situation in which the rights of a person or a group of people are ignored (Merriam-Webster).† There are various examples of injustice in the Criminal Justice System, the occupation field, and the education system that negatively impact the citizens in America. To begin with, the Criminal Justice System is meant to protect citizensRead MoreResearch Outline, Annotated Bibliography, and Sample Survey: Women in Prisons1365 Words   |  5 PagesResearch Question and Justification On average, women make up about 7 percent of the total federal and state incarcerated population in the United States. This has increased since the 1980s due to stricter and more severe laws that focus on recreational drug use, a lack of community programs, and fewer treatment centers available for outpatients (Zaitow and Thomas, eds., 2003). According to the National Womens Law Centers, women prisoners report a higher than statistically normal history of domesticRead MoreMental Health, Gender And Drug Addiction1236 Words   |  5 PagesDiscussion Within the analysis of the dissertation, it has been recognised that there were three key themes associated with my findings: mental health, gender and drug addiction. We will dis-cuss the three documents chosen and highlight the themes which occurred. Though gender didn’t appear as much in two of the documents, it has relevance to the dissertation and was titled within the MoJ document, which recorded a high degree of statistics relating to gender. Following on from the three themedRead MoreThe Importance Of Clinical Psychology Within The Correctional Setting1285 Words   |  6 Pagesin the future. However, women experience many barriers after being released, such as being treated as outcasts, an inability to find employment, being judged for their criminal behavior, and experiencing shame (Dodge Pogrebin, 2001). This shame is exacerbated for women because of the social definitions of what it means to be a woman, mother, and citizen. The stigma these women experience ca n potentially lead to further criminal acts. In addition, inadequate treatment has implications not justRead MoreMinorities and Women in Criminal Justice1064 Words   |  5 Pagesminorities and women in the criminal justice system . Sexism still exists in the United States. Sexism against women is shown in the media and indicates that sexism still pervades in our society. Another key issue is the overrepresentation and disparities among minorities in the criminal justice system. After the act of September 11, racial profiling and other acts of racial hate crimes suggests that racism occurs. Another key issue that indicates that racial disparities occur in the criminal justice systemRead MoreEssay on The Effects of Gender on Prisoner Interactions 1464 Words   |  6 PagesCourt decided that forfeiting liberties and personal rights were consequences of the crime committed. Prisoners were viewed as slaves. In addition, losing citizenship rights meant losing the ability to complain about living conditions (Peak, 2010). Women and men were subjected to horrible prison conditions in which the living conditions were fifthly, overcrowded and harsh. Often times they were beaten and sexual abused by male guards (Stuart von Wormer Bartollas, 2011). It was not until the 1960’s

Descriptive Essay - Original Writing - 788 Words

I did my best to straighten up a bit for my impromptu guest; quickly discarding a few empty low balls that had marked their territory on the old coffee table with rings of dried condensation. The single bed and bath apartment wasn t particularly large but it was open with only a short wall separating the living area from the kitchen. The aforementioned bedroom and bathroom being the only rooms that were completely enclosed. The living area doubled as my office and with a bit creative decorating, didn t feel as cluttered as it truly was. A large wooden desk found residence at the back of the room, my hand-me-down office chair and two gently used wooden chairs sat on opposite sides of the wooden center piece. A dark brown leather sectional took the for front and served as make shift seating for waiting clients, not that there were ever any waiting. â€Å"This place hasn t changed much.† My visitor continued to make small talk, â€Å"Well the desk and filing cabinets are new.à ¢â‚¬  I answered him as I attempted to make the apartment more presentable, â€Å"Yeah, I put those in when I got the door installed.† He flipped through an open file that laid on the solid old desk, â€Å"So what have you been up to?† I grabbed a copy of a two day old news paper and handed it to him. â€Å"Holy shit Mo, this was you? What happened?† I reached over and turned the page and pointed to the continuation of the cover story. â€Å"God damned! You shot him in the neck?† I sighed heavily, â€Å"Yeah, I shot him in the neck;Show MoreRelatedDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1110 Words   |  5 PagesI don’t know how I got to where I am, but I’m here now, and I have to win if I want to live. I am in a game, and in order to live, I have to escape. That’s the thing, though: I don’t know how to escape. I was running for my life around this old house that looked like it came straight out of a horror movie. I doubled over and held my head in pain as I saw the static, which meant it was coming. I was being chased by what looked like a person but in no way acted like one. Just as it was about to appearRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1102 Words   |  5 PagesIt is on days like this when we stop to think about our life. Small drops of rain begin to dapple the cobblestone pavement as people whip out their umbrellas for cover. I continue sauntering down the busy street, relishing the feeling of a light shower. Moving with the mass of pedestrians, I stop at a crosswalk where I wait for the stoplight to turn green. A flower shop employee across the street scurries to bring in the numerous bouquets and close the doors as rain starts rolling down the displayRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing914 Words   |  4 PagesDreamy I thought. Standing on the corner is a young guy with a smile. I see him here almost every day, so I linger for a while. He tells me his name, and I tell him mine. I m Ester, what s your name? I enquired. My names David .,He replied. We end up talking for a while and I asked him if he had ever left this city. He tells me of all these stories of the places where he s been, the distant lakes and mountains, and in valleys oh so green. I can see it in his eyes, he really has beenRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing974 Words   |  4 Pages I was used to moving round, having a mother who liked to travel more than making roots was something I had gotten used to. Still, I had never gotten used to the loneliness of an empty house when she was out exploring, or the feeling of leaving behind someone who could have meant something to me. Our most recent move was Oregon. It was pretty, and I didn’t mind it, but it was much different than Florida. Not only was it opposite sides of the country, it felt as if it were opposite worlds. InRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1012 Words   |  5 Pageshave plenty of time in the next month to think about my feeling in regards to Kendrick. I needed to finish up the article and get it off to my editor. I should be able to get it done by tonight and send an email in the morning. I was thinking of writing my next article about the sea life around the Scottish coast. Since our salmon dinner last evening I thought I would do a piece about the commercial salmon farming that began in Scotland in 1969. In 2002 over 145,000 metric tons of farmed AtlanticRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1561 Words   |  7 PagesThere’s something I need to say and what follows may not be something that you’d expect, it won’t be heartening or uplifting. If you remember today, I told you about going somewhere I wanted to go to†¦ I’m not sure if you believed and accepted what I now confess as untrue; it is partly. I needed to pull away emo tionally†¦ from you. You must have had fathomed that some degree of formality had seeped between us. Born of habit, formulaic greetings had become a routine. You presume that I’m a close friendRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1387 Words   |  6 PagesI was wearing a beautiful blue dress with sapphire gems all around the chest area as I entered the ball with Ciel and Sebastian. I took a good look around here, the hallway was lined with gold. There was a servant ready to escort us to the ball room. Hello, come this way. He said, walking forward. Wow, this place is so fancy! I exclaimed, looking around. It s fake gold. Ciel bluntly replied, bringing my hopes down. I sighed. Ciel sounded like he wasn t in a very good mood. Ciel, lightenRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1287 Words   |  6 Pages In the morning, Caireann woke me up. She stood above my bed, shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes, looking at her. Then I looked across the room to her empty bed. Andy s empty bed sat in the corner. I swallowed, climbing out of bed. Sleep well? Caireann asked me, starting out the door. Yeah, I said, going over to our small dresser. I had the bottom two drawers. Andy had the middle two, and Caireann had the top. I pulled open the drawers, pulling on a colorful tank top and a grayRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1345 Words   |  6 PagesLater that night, I was behind the wheel of my G-Wagon with Melissa in the passenger seat. She didn’t feel like driving since she was on the road all day and I understood so I didn’t mind when she asked me to. I had been tight-lipped. She kept eyeballing me as if she detected that something was bothering me but I just kept singing to my India Arie as if I was carefree. â€Å"So are you going to tell me what’s going on or no† Melissa said disrupting my own personal concert. I stopped singing and tookRead MoreDescriptive Essay - Original Writing1085 Words   |  5 PagesI WAS SITTING IN a taxi, wondering if I had overdressed for the evening, when I looked out the window and saw Mom rooting through a Dumpster. It was just after dark. A blustery March wind whipped the steam coming out of the manholes, and people hurried along the sidewalks with their collars turned up. I was stuck in traffic two blocks from the party where I was heading. Mom stood fifteen feet away. She had tied rags around her shoulders to keep out the spring chill and was picking through the trash

Marketing Plan for Euro Solar Company †MyAssignmenthelp.com

Question: Discuss about the Marketing Plan for Euro Solar Company. Answer: Introduction Euro Solar Company is an Australian firm that specializes in designing, manufacturing, and distribution of solar products and solar energy systems. Currently the company designs differentiated high quality products that cuts across 3kw system, 5kw system, and 10kw system. The company started its operations in 2011 with only 4 employees and a 100 square meter warehouse. The early operations of the company sought to understand as different ways that the company could continue to provide high quality products and a market leading customer services. In a period of six years, the company saw employees increase from the initial to 150 skilled and full time employees. In addition, the company also employed countless number of contractors and officers in major markets. This shows that the company has indeed, grown to become a driving force for solar power in Australia (Euro Solar, n.d.). This report is a marketing plan document that explain the situational analysis, the marketing objectives, and strategic and implementation plans. Furthermore, the report looks at among other things, the lifecycle analysis (PLC), and the BCG matrix that shows the position of the products offered by the euro Solar in relation to other competitors. The Ansoff analysis and the mission of the company. In addition, the paper also presents a developed brand positioning strategy and a positioning map. Currently, Euro Solar enjoys a strength of medium market position in Australia. The company competes against other established companies such as AGL and Alinta Company in designing and manufacturing of high quality energy saving products. In addition, it is critical to point out that the company already has a 100% ownership of its resources. Hence, the company medium market position in retail sector assured the company of having a higher bargaining power in creating a sustainable competitive advantage. Diversified products lines ensures that the company produces differentiated products that suits the needs of its customers. Currently the company designs differentiated high quality products that cuts across 3kw system, 5kw system, and 10kw system. This strategy has ensured that the company attracts two categories of customers; individual households and commercial sectors. Extensive focus on renewable saving products ensures that the company operates the largest energy saving products across Australia. Besides, the company focuses on ensuring that everybody embraces clean energy that consumes less power such as solar, landmills, and wind. Euro Solar operates as number one retailer of high quality energy saving products. In spite of taking the first position as a retailer, the company still lacks an infrastructure that can help it transport clean energy to end customers. Euro Solar seems to depend solely on consortium of producers in order to supply products to its customers. This brings out the obligation of paying delivery costs. This aspect is likely to have greater impact in its supply chain to the target market when it comes to the distribution of products. The geographical concentration of Euro Solar has been found to concentrate its operations around Australia. Customers that purchase the company products are located in many areas including Queensland, South Australia, Victoria, and New South Wales. This implies that a high dependence on some regions would increase the company risk. Furthermore, it is likely to expose the company to local economic and operating conditions. The ever-growing concern over environment and energy prices, consumers and governments around the world continue to embrace renewable energy products. Euro Solar Company has now taken measure that lead to development of renewable operations. For example, at the start of 2015, the company designed 2kw, 3kw, and 4kw systems. The increased demand of the company products and requests from customers has made the company to add to its products, other categories including the 5kw, 6kw, and 10kw systems. Developing different product portfolios is a way of ensuring that the company meets the future demand for electricity as well as the market share within Australia. The market offers strategic opportunities for the company to sign agreements and make partnerships with other well performing companies. For example, currently, the market present a number of well established and small companies that have resources. The initiative to formulate strategic agreements and partnerships will become the best way to gain resources and expand in other markets. Furthermore, a strategic move will ensure that the company experiences relatively lower costs. The nature of an environment where the company operates has remained volatile. The market seems to experience frequent changes in consumer demand and economy. This necessitates the need for the company to identify and respond effectively to any market conditions. Such changes can include market structures, marketing objectives, and growth objectives. In case management or marketing department fails to achieve the set objectives, this will cause serious implications to the company profitability. In most cases, the company might end up losing its loyal customers and hence, market share. Negative influence on product delivery can contribute to a bad word-of-mouth. This could also be one way that the company can lose its market value. Centrally coordinated processes have been adopted to deal with electricity supply in Australia. Currently, the market experiences volatility in spot prices. Besides, this could rise several folds to the average market price within a short period. As Euro Solar would end up buying electricity requirements in the future, the company is likely to experience a risk of price increases. This could The company operates in a market under regulations from environmental, territory, and commonwealth laws. Furthermore, the company is subject to a number of environmental laws and regulations. In addition, the company operations have been subject to non-compliances. the above types of stringent regulations are likely to have negative impact to a company revenue. SWOT Matrix Strengths Medium market position Diversified products lines Extensive focus on renewable saving products Weaknesses Lack of infrastructure Geographical concentration Opportunities Design and manufacture of new renewable projects Strategic partnerships with other companies Threats Volatility in the market Volatility in prices Increased government regulations Table 1: SWOT matrix Euro Solar Process: A Free Assessment on the premises. Establish a quote based on the information given. Demonstrate cost savings. Submit follow though Grid Connection applications for approval on the specified size systems. Manage projects from beginning to end They organize all paper work Marketing Objectives Any company that seeks to market and create awareness in a market should seek to formulate objectives based on SMART framework. According to Grzegorczyk (2013) for instance, such objectives should remain specific, measurable, realistic, and time bound. In the case of Euro Solar for example, the following objective will ensure that the company achieve higher growth: Increase the market awareness among the Australian households by 25% over a period of 32 months Increase market awareness among the Australian Corporation for the next 24 months. Increase on the volume of sales from the current AUD$2000 to AUD$6000 over the next 24 months in order to gain a sustainable growth level. Marketing Mix Strategies Product marketing of products should consider a number of elements. Currently, the company retails high quality products that meets customer value. The marketing department should also use product varieties that meet the needs of customers. Currently, the company manufactures a variety of products lines. Such a high number of product variety attracts customers that prefer small, medium, and large quantities. Packaging should also play a critical role in the manner in which the company covers and protects from external damage. Pricing of products considers the costs of transportation, operational, and any other external element such as taxation. Currently, the company prices its products at a premium product than its competitors. While this strategy depicts such products as premium in adding value, this strategy locks out a number of customers with lower income. Therefore, marketing to a larger population in Australia can be achieved through discounting or psychological strategies. The can implement the later strategy by offering a lower price margin to customers that buy solar products and solar energy systems in large quantities. While on the other hand, psychological pricing can come into effect by offering relatively lower prices in formats such as $0.99, $1.99, or $2.99. This approach makes a majority of customers perceive the products as affordable. Place offers the distribution channels that a company use to ensure that products reach the target customer. Currently, the company distributes the products through its standalone stores located in uptowns. This strategy locks out many customers who prefer the products but cannot access them because of their geographical location. Therefore, the company can increase accessibility to its products by opening up more stores, through retailers, supermarkets, electronic shops, and warehouses. Besides, the company can also use petroleum stations where people frequent when filling their motor vehicles. The marketing department need to develop a total communication mix that incorporate public relations, personal selling, direct response, interactive marketing, sales promotion and advertising (). Even though the company has applied advertising strategies, such a strategy has taken into effect print media. This marketing plan recommends that the company consider using directories, billboards, and motion pictures to help create an awareness. Besides, the company need to contract The Sphere Agency Company to conduct print and billboards for effective marketing. Furthermore, the company should use sales promotions through free samples and free trials of its solar energy systems and panels. While on the other hand, public relations will become effective through sponsoring of special events such as conferences, seminars, and sporting events in Australian communities. In addition, personal selling can involve training sales presentations in areas of marketing and sales. The advancement in s ocial media platforms has come to offer companies with the best tools to reach virtual customers located in different markets. Direct marketing should take the form of sending direct mails to customers, creating social media accounts in Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter. As indicated in table 1, the marketing department should contract with companies such as Impressive Digital Agency and Luma pictures Company. Brand positioning strategies A company brand remain part of its livelihood. Garg, Singh De (2016) explain that it refer to the personality statement for a company and the declaration of values. When a company selects on a right positioning strategy, positioning is likely to create an impression in the minds of customers. Consequently, it is from this that customers can become loyal. Customers prefer to engage with companies at a more personal level. Most importantly, strong brands makes it easier for customers to identify, strengthen the relationship, and trust new products or services. This marketing plan therefore, suggests that Euro Solar marketing department formulates the following brand positioning strategies. As indicated in the company profile, it is apparent that the company has succeeded in increasing the volume of sales because of designing and marketing high quality solar products and solar energy systems. The company ensures that the product are of high quality throughout Australian market. With this in mind therefore, the marketing plan should focus on ensuring that the company gives its products and services high level of quality. Besides, the company can also go ahead to combine this with other positioning strategies. Furthermore, marketing management should continue to emphasize the commitment of a company on quality products across the three categories of electrical appliances. For instance, the best way to do this and create a competitive advantage would be through narrowing the focus on all solar products and three categories of solar energy systems. Management should approach value and price positioning through two ways. The two ways depend on quality of products. First, the company can apply a high-end tact. This approach can ensure that the company gets to exploit the psychological belief of customers that the products offered by the company are expensive. Second, the company-marketing department can also opt to cement the products as those that provide the highest value than those being offered by competitors. This will make it easier to consider value-priced products. Celebrity-driven positioning strategy The marketing plan recommends that the company hire celebrities to act as the spokespeople. At any time the company introduces a new product in Australian market, celebrities should be used to endorse new products. This will become the most popular way for introducing a product brand in a market. According to Tsai, Hu Lu (2015), the goal for doing this will ensure that the company creates and strengthen awareness among its potential customers. Furthermore, this approach will ensure that consumers identify and recognize any brand manufactured by Euro Solar. Even though this might be an expensive route to take, majority of consumers have been found to trust celebrities because of their characters, behaviours, personalities, and what they stand for in a society. Most importantly, this will be the greatest way of making households and corporations follow the leads of celebrities. The sales representative should communicate the unique benefits of solar products and solar energy systems to the households and companies. Communication of unique benefits that products and services offer has remained a popular brand position. Management should use this strategy with the goal of highlighting Euro Solar most powerful attributes of energy saving, cost saving, and contribution to clean environment for sustainability. Action plans Marketing action plan What to do who Resources needed when Priority Emailing Communication Laptop and Internet Connectivity November, 5th 2017 medium Search Engine Optimization Impressive Digital Agency AUD$6,000 November 5th 2017 June 30th 2018 high Print Posters The Sphere Agency Company AUD$2,000 November 5th 2017 high Billboard The Sphere Agency Company AUD$3,500 November 15th 2017 April 20th 2018 high Motion picture Luma pictures Company AUD$4,000 November 15th 2017 March 20th 2018 medium Conduct sponsors to events Project department AUD$2,400 November 15th 2017 March 20th 2018 medium Plan for a tree planting day Corporate Social Responsibility Department AUD$6,000 December 10th 2017 low Social media marketing (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn) Impressive Digital Agency AUD$6,000 January 15th 2017 April 20th 2018 high Table 1: Action plan The marketing department will rely on a control process to implement the entire marketing plan. According to figure 1 below, the first process will involve setting benchmarks as indicators that are both measurable and observable. The second process will involve evaluation. This process will ensure that marketing personnel compares what has been set and what the actual values that the company achieves. Consequently, this process will ensure that the person identifies any form of deviation. The mid-level management will therefore, identify the actual performance of the company against the established standards. Some of the questions to ask at this stage will include what, why, and what happened. For example, some of the measures that will be evaluated will include sales volume, marketing cost, and profitability (by marketing controller), and market share (performed by marketing executive). The last process according to figure 1 below will involve coming up with appropriate measures to help correct identified deviations. For instance, some of the appropriate measures will incorporate; Order-size decisions Territory decision Product decision Customer decision Product Lifecycle Analysis A product life cycle explain different stages that a product or service brand passes from time of development to a decline stage. During the development stage for example, the company starts to conceptualize the nature and other associated characteristics that will make customers purchase a product. The introduction stage is when the company takes early initiatives to introduce a new product in a new market. The fact that this form the early stages, such companies require vigorous marketing strategies to help the company create awareness in a market. Currently, the company is operating in a growth phase. However, the major challenge that the company experiences is management. This implies that the company management must be able to move from doing into managing its brands. The company has achieved this following the growth of the number of its employees from the initial 4 to more than 10 employees. Armstrong, al. (2012) explain that for majority of manufacturers, this forms an important stage at which they can start to establish and strengthen the position of their product. They can do this though increased sales, improvement in profit margins, and gaining a better position strategy. Euro Solar Company has achieved its current position in the life cycle by developing consumer demand while using activities such as promotional or marketing. Besides, it is critical to point out the advantages that the company enjoys at this stage. According to (, a company in a growth stage benefits from reduction in costs, increase market awareness among customers, and an increased profitability levels. However, Kurtz, Dave (2010) points out that companies in their growth stages tend to experience challenges. This implies that Euro Solar Company might be experiencing increased competition from already established companies, an urge to charge lower prices, and the need to adopt varying marketing approaches. The Boston Consulting Group (BCG) matrix above shows the position of Euro Solar Company in relation to other competitors. Currently, the only competitors that have achieved a high market growth and market share in Australia are Sunrun and Sunpower. Their position in the star position implies that the companies have spent much of their resources in marketing. However, Wood (2014) points out that any company that does this should be in a position to record high profits. Currently, Euro Solar position is the question mark. This indicates clearly that while the company has succeeded in operating in Australia growing market, the company has not yet achieved a high market share. Loana (2016) recommends that any company that positions itself in the question mark must start thinking on ways to translate the question marks to become stars. This implies that a company can continue to use its high market share. The above is in contrast to business that operate as cash cow. According to figure 1 for example, competitors such as Desa Australia has a relatively higher market share within a mature market. However, the fact that the company has a slower growth, management cannot think about investment needs. Nonetheless, the source of income offers such a company more cash to diversify its revenue streams. Conclusion This marketing plan has shown that the company internal analysis presents the company strengths because of its medium market position, diversified product lines, and extensive focus on renewable saving products. However, two key weaknesses that might affect future growth and marketing. Lack of infrastructure and geographical concentration. Management should utilize new renewable projects and partnership with other companies to attain more resources. Major threats likely to affect future marketing plans will include volatility in the market, prices, and government regulations. Proper marketing strategies should be in place to ensure that the marketing department creates awareness to all potential customers. References Abidin, N. (2014). Innovation Value Chain Capability in Malaysian-Owned Company: A Theoretical Framework. AIP Conference Proceedings, vol. 1614, pp. 936-940 Armstrong, G., Adam S., Denize, S. and Kotler P. (2012) Principles of Marketing, 5th Edition, Beard, DW, Dess, GG. (2012). Corporate-Level Strategy, Business-Level Strategy, and Firm Performance. Academy of Management Journal, vol. 24, no. 4, pp. 663-688 Blythe, J. (2006). Marketing (SAGE Course Companions series). London: SAGE Publications. Doyle, C. (2011). Marketing mix. A Dictionary of Marketing, a Dictionary of Marketing. Garg, S. A., Singh, H., De, K. K. (2016). Direct and indirect effects of marketing mix elements on satisfaction. Academy Of Marketing Studies Journal, 20(1), 53-65. Grzegorczyk, W. (2013). Marketing-mix strategies of banks in Poland. Research Papers of the Wroclaw University of Economics, (316), 41-54. Johnston, M., Scholes, K., Whittington, R. (2014). Exploring Corporate Strategy/Corporate Strategy (Book). Long Range Planning, 30, 6, pp. 947-948 Kurtz, Dave. (2010).Contemporary Marketing Mason, OH: Southwestern Cengage Learning. Loana, A. (2016). Marketing mix in financial investment services companies. SEA: Practical Application of Science, (1), 59-64. Milligan, S. (2012). Marketing Strategies. New Delhi: Research World. Tsai, C., Hu, Y., Lu, Y. (2015). Customer segmentation issues and strategies for an automobile dealership with two clustering techniques. Expert Systems, 32(1), 65-76 Wood, M. (2014). The marketing plan handbook (Fifth ed., Always learning). Boston: Pearson.

Segmentation Based on Shangrila Essay Example

Segmentation Based on Shangrila Essay Similarly, product positioning is an important element of a marketing. Product positioning is the process marketers use to determine how to best communicate their products attributes to their target customers based on customer needs, competitive pressures, available communication channels and carefully crafted key messages. Effective product positioning ensures that marketing messages resonate with target consumers and compel them to take action. Even companies, who have mass marketing phenomena, are now adopting this new world’s strategy i. . segmentation. The purpose of segmentation is the concentration of marketing energy and force on subdividing to gain a competitive advantage within the segment. It’s analogous to the military principle of concentration of force to overwhelm energy. Concentration of marketing energy is the essence of all marketing strategies and market segmentation is the conceptual tool to help in achieving this focus. The marketer must try to unde rstand the target market’s needs, wants, and demands. Need can be described as basic human requirements. People need food, air, water, clothing, and entertainment. These needs become wants when they are directed to specific objects that might satisfy the need. An American needs food but wants hamburger, French fries and a soft drink. Wants are shaped by one’s society (Kotler, 2000).. Strategically, the business must be centered on the customers more than the products. Although good and quality products are also essential, the buying public still has their personal preferences. If an organisation targets more of their needs, they will come back again and again and even bring along recruits. On the other hand, if an organisation push more on the product and disregard their wants and the benefits they can get, the organisation would potentially lose customers in no time. Unfortunately, getting them back would be the hardest part. Segementation: The process of dividing a market into meaningful, relatively similar, identifiable segments or groups 1. 0 Introduction: Marketing is a very important aspect in business since it contributes greatly to the success of organizations. Production and distribution depend largely on marketing. Marketing covers advertising, promotions, public relations, and sales. We will write a custom essay sample on Segmentation Based on Shangrila specifically for you for only $16.38 $13.9/page Order now We will write a custom essay sample on Segmentation Based on Shangrila specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer We will write a custom essay sample on Segmentation Based on Shangrila specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer It is a process of introducing and promoting the product or service into the appropriate market(s) and encourages sales from the buying public. Since the goal of marketing is to make the product or service widely known and recognized to the market, marketers must be creative in their marketing activities. Today where the world is being recognized as global village marketing has become vital ingredient for every business success. It is almost become difficult to every competitor to survive in market for a prolonged period because competition is cut to throat. Change or die is the core faith of marketing. Therefore, marketing has powerful potential to contribute to the highly important aspects of the organisational competitiveness, namely innovation (Kerin, 1992) and competitive analysis (Varadarajan, 1992). Effective marketing strategies or marketing campaigns often consist of a combination of several marketing tactics that work together in a synergistic way to establish brand, reduce sales resistance, and create interest and desire for products and/or services. Therefore, carrying out market segmentation, targeting and positioning are important elements of successful marketing. This means that the business will need to develop an appropriate marketing mix for each segment. Market segmentation enables a business to: †¢ accurately defi ne its markets; †¢ position products and services to match the demands of particular markets and segments; †¢ identify gaps in the market that it could fi ll; †¢ make more effi cient use of its marketing resources. According to Cartwright (2002), need is something that people cannot do without a want, is the method by which people would like the need to be satisfied. Demands are wants for specific products backed by an ability to pay (Kotler, 2000). Hence, market is to divide into groups of consumers or segments with distinct needs and wants. Doing the detailed understanding of the marketplace into strategic decisions and the targeting of appropriate customer groups. This targeting should emphasise on any differential advantages and adopt a suitable positioning within the target segments (Dibb and Simkin, 1996). This strategy of dividing the market in homogenous group is known as segmentation. Background Bandos Island Resort (hereafter BIR) established since 10th December 1972, located approximately 8 kilometers from the international airport and capital of Maldives, is one the best resorts among the 86 resorts of the Maldivian Tourism Industry (Ministry of Tourism, 2002). BIR has a comprehensive range of facilities such as accommodation, restaurants, recreational facilities and trained workforce to serve more than 450 guests at any one time and well-equipped Dive School and convention facilities (Bandos, 2002). The major markets are from China, Italy, United Kingdom, Germany and Japan. Purchases for operation of the resort are supplied from local suppliers and various suppliers from Singapore, Sri Lanka and UAE (Bandos, 2002) (see Appendix – 1A). Despite the speedy recovery by year 2000 from the impacts of Asia economic crisis since mid 1997 and the German economic slowdown since the East Germany and West Germany reunification inflammation and the El Nino effects in 1998, BIR experienced turbulent times due to world economic slowdown as a result of increased international terrorism activities and war on terror since September 11th terrorist attack on USA (Amir, 2003). Addition to the impacts of the global economic downturn, BIR faced major difficulties in year 2001 in their financial performance due to mismanagement within the resort (Waheed, 2003). With the remedial action to recover from the financial difficulties, the implementation of measures such as downsizing of workforce from 491 employees to 410 employees (Shareef, 2004), effective cost controlling, improved marketing strategies to improve the sales revenue, put firmly in place at the beginning of 2002, resulted in the end of a promising financial year in 2002. 2. Types of segmentations adopted by Bandos Through market segmentation, organisations divide large, heterogeneous markets into smaller segments that can be reached more efficiently and effectively with products and services that match their unique needs Kotler et al (2006). Therefore, market segmentation can be defined as the process of dividing a market into distinct groups of buyers with different needs, characteristics, or behaviour that might require separate products or marketing programs. Hence geographic, demographic, psychographic and behavioural segmentation are most commonly used in the †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. . BIR enters in new markets serving a single segment, and when this proves successful than they add more segments (Bandos, 2012). Most importantly, BIR segments their market by geographically selecting locations where outbound holidays to tropical destinations have greater advantages available. Furthermore, BIR targets at demographic segmentation to target at honeymooners, families with children and recreational travelers within the geographic segmentation adopted by them. Kotler (1984) has identified four requirements that a marketer can use in evaluating the desirability of potential market segments, namely easureability, accessibility, substantiality and actionability. Once a segment has been identified which meets these requirements, it is possible to develop a product or service which meets the unfulfilled needs of this segment. While BIR targets mainly on five nationalities, Germans, Italians, British, Chinese and Japanese (Bandos, 2012), known as consistent and most prominent ma rkets even for the entire Maldives Tourism Industry for several years, facilities such as childcare, convention centre and dive school in Bandos have been important contributors of BIR’s demographic segment. Pickton and Broderick (2005: 376) argue that a company can target one or more areas and must be aware of the fact that data according to geographic segmentation may vary due to population shift. [pic] 2. 1. 1. Geographical Segmentation According to Pickton and Broderick (2005), geographic segmentation divides customers into segments based on geographical areas such as nations, states, regions, countries, cities or neighborhoods. BIR segments consumers by their nationality. Source: Sales and Marketing Department, Bandos Island Resort. It is important to segment according to geographic, due to the fact that the purchasing behaviour of the customers are influenced on where they live, work etc. (Gunter and Furnham, 1992: 5). Hence, BIR customizes their product, advertising, promotion and sales efforts to fit the needs of the geographical variables. The geographic segmentation is very useful when there are differences in a location where a product is marketed. The differences can be caused by cultural factors, traditions, politics etc. Furthermore, the differences can be significant in one segment, whereas in other segments the differences can e minor and less significant. (Gunter and Furnham, 1992: 5) Furthermore as a result of an increase in the globalisation today the geographic segmentation has been linked to other differences in socio-economic and demographic characteristics. The result of this type of segmentation is referred to as geodemographics (Gunter and Furnham, 1992: 7). The geodemographic segmentation co mbines the geographic segmentation with the demographic segmentation and thereby combines the study of the target customers with where they live (Pickton and Broderick, 2005: 376). Hence the geodemographic classifies the customers according to where they live in comparison to the way the social class defines consumers by their occupation and thereby the companies are more capable of predicting consumer behaviour (Gunter and Furnham, 1992: 7). 2. 2. Characteristics of geographical segmentation adopted by BIR 2. 2. 1. German market 2. 2. 2. Italian market 2. 2. 3. British market 2. 2. 4. Japanese market 2. 2. 5. Chinese market 2. 3 Positioning adopted by BIR Once the company has decided which market segments to enter it should decide what positions it wants to occupy in those segments. Market Positioning is arranging for a product to occupy clear, distinctive, and desirable place relative to competing products in the minds of target customers. A products position is the place that the product occupies relative to competitors in consumers minds. Here in this case the Starbucks has developed a unique market position for their products because if a product is to be exactly same like the others on the market than consumers would have no reason to uy it. Starbucks has positioned themselves in the market as a highly reputed brand (Kotler and Armstrong, 2006). In this case Starbucks has planned his positioning in such a way that it distinguish their products from competing brands and give them the greatest strategic advantage in their target markets. Starbucks has a descriptively simple statement to inspire and nurture the human spirit-one pers on, one cup, and one neighbourhood at a time. Starbucks positioning strategy was customer base so that it can give the best service more than what the customers expect. Starbucks has gained a competitive advantage over customer satisfaction and employee satisfaction as Starbucks had developed its positioning strategy based on the customer and provided the utmost facility in terms of layout, furniture to the music, and in terms of employee satisfaction Starbucks make employee as a partners and gave them a personal security with a freedom to participate in the every decision of the business and make it successful (Porter Miller, 1985, Porter, 1998). Behavioral segmentation divides the target customers into segments based on their attitude towards a product. By doing so the marketers will have a better understanding of their target audience and thereby make their marketing more effective (Gunter Furnham, 1992). Since, BIR is famous for scuba diving and convention facilities, the 2. 1. 1 Behavioural segmentation REFERENCES 1. AMIR, I. , (2002), Marketing Plan of Bandos Island Resort. , Sales and Marketing Department of Bandos, January 2002. 2. AMIR, I. , (2003), Informal interview with the General Manager of Bandos Island Resort, December 2003. 3. AMIR, I. , (2003), Marketing Plan of Bandos Island Resort. , Sales and Marketing Department of Bandos, Janaury 2003. . BANDOS, (2002), Bandos 30th Anniversary Special Publication, Novelty Printers Publishers Pvt Ltd, Maldives. 5. BLYTON, P. , and MORRIS, J. , (1992), ‘H. R. M. and the limits of flexibility’ Reassessing Human Resource Management, TORRINGTON, D. , AND HALL, L. , (1998), Human Resource Management, 4th Ed. , Prentice Hall Europe. 6. DIRECTORATE-GENERAL FOR ECONOMIC AN D FINANCIAL AFFAIRS, (2003), European Economy: 2002 review, European Commission. Vol. 0379-0991, No. 6, pp. 01-106. 7. FASEEH, I. , (2004), interview with the Training Manager of Bandos Island Resort, March 2004. 8. FAZEEL, N. (2004), interview with the Director of Ministry of Trade of Maldives, April 2004. 9. FRANGIALLI, F. , (2002), Speech by the Secretary-General of World Tourism Organisation at the European Tourism Forum, Brussels, Belgium, 10th December 2002. 10. FRIDGEN, J. D. , (1996), Dimensions of Tourism. , Educational Institute of the American Hotel Motel Association, Unite States of America. 11. GUEST, D. E. , (1987), Human Resource management and industrial relations. Journal of Management studies. Vol. 24, No. 5, pp. 503-521. 12. HOLDEN, L. , AND BEARDWELL, I. , (2001), Human Resource Management : a contemporary approach, 3rd Ed. Pearson Education Limited, United Kingdom. 13. HOLLOWAY, J. C. , (1998), The Business of Tourism, 5th Ed. , Adisson Wesley Longman Limited, New York. 14. HOOK, C. , AND FOOT, M. , (1999), Introduction to Human Resource Management, 2nd Ed. , Addison Wesley Longman Limited, England. 15. HOUSELID, M. , (1995), The impact of human resource management practices on turnover, productivity and corporate financial performance. Academy of Management Journal, Vol. 38, No. 3, pp. 635-672. 16. JOHNSTON, R. , AND CLARK, G. , (2001), Service Operations Management, Harlow, Pearson Education Limited 2001. 7. LIM, L. , (1997), Global Implications of Southeast Asias Currency Crisis. Journal of International Institute, Vol. 5, No. 2, pp. 1-6. 18. MALDIVES MONETARY AUTHORITY. , (2003), Maldives Economic Research and Statistics. Economic Bulletin Maldives, Vol. 8, No. 1, pp1-27. 19. MCCOSKER, P. , (2001), â€Å"A review of ratio analysis: How the calculations of a few simple ratios can greatly improve our understanding of a business and its financial performance (Part 2)†, CIMA Financial Accountant, Chartered Institute of Management A ccountants, England, December 2001. 0. MILLER, T. R. , AND DIBRELL, C. C. , (2002), â€Å"Organization design: the continuing influence of information technology†, Management Decision, Vol. 40, No. 6, pp. 620-627. 21. MINISTRY OF HOME AFFAIRS HOUSING AND ENVIRONMENT. , (2002), National Assessment Resport : Progress towards Sustainable Development from Rio 1992 to Johannesburg 2002. 22. MINISTRY OF PLANNING AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT. , (1998), Statistical Year Book of Maldives 1998. , Novelty Printers and Publishers, Maldives. 23. MINISTRY OF PLANNING AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT. (2001), Statistical Year Book of Maldives 2001. , Loamaafaanu Print, Maldives. 24. MINISTRY OF PLANNING AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT. , (2002), Statistical Year Book of Maldives 2002. , Print Image (PVT) Ltd, Maldives. 25. MINISTRY OF PLANNING AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT. , (2003), Statistical Year Book of Maldives 2003. , Loamaafaanu Print, Maldives. 26. MINISTRY OF TOURISM, (2002), â€Å"Tourism Statistics 20 02†, Ministry of Tourism, Maldives. 27. MINISTRY OF TOURISM, (2002), â€Å"Tourism Statistics 2002†, Ministry of Tourism, Maldives. 28. MINISTRY OF TOURISM, (2003), â€Å"Tourism Statistics 2003†, Ministry of Tourism, Maldives. 29. POON, A. , (1993), Tourism, Technology and Comparative Strategies, London, CAB International. 30. PRABHU, S. , (1996), â€Å"Challenges for hospitality and tourism operators: a North American perspective†, International Journal of Contemporary Hospitality Management, 8/7 p. 61. MCB University Press. 31. PURCELL, J. , (1998), Human resource bundles of best practice: a utopian cul-de-sac. 32. SHAREEF, M. , (2004), interview with the Human Resources Director of Bandos Island Resort, January 2004. 3. TOURISM TRENDSPOTTER, Market Segment and the New Millennium, What Next? , Vol. 2, issue 2, Dec. 1999 – Jan. 2000. 34. TRIBE, J. , (1999), The economics of leisure and tourism, 2nd Ed. , Butterworth-Heinemann, Oxford, United Kingdom. 35. WAHEED, M. , (2003), interview with the Finance Director of Bandos Island Resort, December 2003. 36. WOOD, R. C. , (1997), Working in Hotel an d Catering, London, International Business Press. 37. WOODS, R. H. , (1995), Human Resource Management, Educational Institute of the American Hotel Motel Association, United States of America. 8. WTO. , (2001), â€Å"The impact of the attacks in the United States on international tourism: An initial analysis†, World Tourism Organization, 18th September 2001, Special Report, Madrid. 39. WTO. , (2003), â€Å"World Tourism in 2002: Better than expected†, World Tourism Organization, News Release, Madrid, 27th January 2003. Appendix – 1A Market Share (%) of Bandos Island Resort, 1998 2001 Appendix – 1B [pic] Source: Ministry of Planning and National Development, Maldives. Appendix – 1C [pic] Source: Ministry of Planning and National Development, Maldives. Appendix – 2 Major Expenditure Areas (excluding payroll and related expenses), Bandos Island Resort, 2000 2003 [pic] Source: Finance Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix – 3 [pic] Source: Sales and Marketing Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix 4 [pic] Source: Finance Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix – 5 Growth Rate (%) of Market Share, Bandos Island Resort, 1999 – 2001 [pic] Source: Sales and Marketing Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix – 6A [pic] Source: Sales and Marketing Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix – 6B [pic] Source: Finance Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix 7 [pic] Source: Ministry of Planning and National Development, Maldives. Appendix – 8 Financial Ratio of Bandos Island Resort, 2001 and 2002 |Ratios |2001 |2002 | | | | | |Liquidity Ratios | | | |1. 70: 1 |1. 41 : 1 | |1. Current Ratio (Current Assets ? Current Liabilities) | | | | |0. 40 : 1 |0. 28 : 1 | |2. Cash to Current Liabilities | | | |(Cash at Bank and in Hand ? Current Liabilities) | | | | |0. 75:1 |1. 08:1 | |3. Acid Test Ratio | | | |(Current Assets Stock ? Liabilities) | | | | | | | | | | | |Profitability Ratios | | | | |26% | | |1. Gross Profit Percentage {(Gross Profit ? Turnover) x 100} | |39% | | | |15% | |2. Net Profit Percentage {(POABT ? Sales) x 100} |3% | | | |0. 71 : 1 |0. 7:1 | |3. Fixed Assets Turnover Ratio (Turnover ? Tangible Fixed Assets) | | | | | |36% | |4. Gearing Ratio | | | |{Long-term Debt ? Long-term Debt + Shareholder Funds)} x 100 |39% | | | | | | |Use of Assets | | | | |US$18080 |US$21024 | |1. Average Turnover per Employee | | | |(Turnover/Average Number of Employees) | | | Source: Finance Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix 9 Organization Structure of Bandos Island Resort, 2002 [pic] Source: Human Resources Department, Bandos Island Resort. Appendix – 10 Payroll and Related Expenses of Bandos Island Resort, 2000 2003 [pic] Source: Human Resources Department, Bandos Island Resort.

The Ultimate Guide To Beating Makeshift Marketing For Good (13 Articles)

The Ultimate Guide To Beating Makeshift Marketing For Good (13 Articles) makeshift marketing |ˈmÄ kËÅ'SHift  Ã‹Ë†mrkÉ™diNG| noun the temporary, sub-optimal solution for getting your marketing mayhem together. It’s a real thing. Click play and see what I meanI cant tell you how many marketers Ive met whose solution for â€Å"keeping their sanity† involves spreadsheets organizing spreadsheets. Who’ve decided endless meetings to â€Å"get on the same page† is par for the course. Who’ve succumbed to â€Å"on the fly† project management because that’s just the nature of the job?! And who’ve settled for a cobbled mess of one-trick tools becausewell†¦? At , this is the enemy were helping marketers across the world defeat! And that  means you! No more #MakeshiftMarketing! You need 📈 A productivity tool designed specifically for marketers 🠐 ¦ With a bird’s eye view 📅 An active, living calendar with color labels, tags, drag drop functionality, timelines, discussion threads, templates, multiple views, and MORE 📠 A place where you can manage, collaborate, AND publish 🠤â€" Where you can templatize your workflows 🛠  Integrate with all your favorite tools 🠧 ¡ 💠° And prove the ROI of your kick a$$ marketing efforts. You need a fix And in this ultimate guide to beating makeshift marketing for good, a fix you will get! Youll find 13 of our very best resources on how to go from zero to a hundred in short order. Heres Something Special (Because We Like You) First, though, we have something special just for you. You can pick a time to schedule a personalized marketing demo of   just for you and  your team. Sure, you can check out all of these amazing resources to lead change, influence others, organize the chaos, and then sustain your awesome results or you can get a short cut in line to success in just 30 minutes with a marketing demo with a expert. Your call. Pick your time now  or read on! Youll find the resources organized in four key categories: Leading change: why and how you can do this! Influencing others: science-informed ways to lead bosses, peers, and your team. Organizing chaos: the incredible power of organization. Sustaining results: how to keep growing once youve hit your stride. Now, lets keep plowing ahead!

Bad College Essays 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid

Bad College Essays 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid SAT / ACT Prep Online Guides and Tips Just as there are noteworthy examples ofexcellent college essaysthat admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples ofterrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards. While I won’t guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won’t end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays – and what to do toif you end up creating one by accident. What Makes Bad College Essays Bad What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matterwith poor execution. Problems With the Topic The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flubwhat the essay is about or how you’ve decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily createan essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I’ll discuss in the next section. The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren’t on your transcript.So if you start witha terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes. Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don’t have a good sense of judgment or maturity, which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have tobe able to handle independent life on campus. Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person, or someone who doesn’t process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since collegeswant to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students. Still other bad topics indicate that you'reunaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself, which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officersare looking for people who can do that. Problems With the Execution Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you’ve structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style. One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics, like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that’s expected from a high school graduate. Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you'reeither someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them. Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already. Ignoring directions to this degree is not creative, just annoying. College Essay Topics To Avoid Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories. Too Personal The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something veryprivate can show that you don’t really understand boundaries. And knowing where appropriate boundaries arewill be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you. Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level:if it’s not something you’d tell a friendlystranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don’t tell it to the admissions office. Examples: Describinglosing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn’t mean you can’t write about your sexual orientation – just leave out the actual physical act. Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value. Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other.Your relationshipis adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life. Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety.Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one. Some secrets are better behind lock and key. Or behind industrial strengthrack and pinion matching machined gears and pressure bolt. Too Revealing of Bad Judgment Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoralactions out of your essay. It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you. Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you’re in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you'veturned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up. Examples: Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unlessit's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay. Describingdrug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine. Making upfictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar. Detailing yourpersonality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement. You're better off not airing your dirty laundry out in public. Seriously, no one wants to smell those socks. Too Overconfident While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies. Examples: Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play. Having no awareness of the actual scope ofyour accomplishments.It's lovelythat you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn’t make you a saintly figure. Cheering on a team? Awesome. Cheering on yourself? A little obnoxious. Too Clichà ©d or Boring Remember your reader. In this case, you're tryingto make yourself memorable to anadmissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays. If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won’t register in that person’s mind as anything worth paying attention to. Examples: Transcribingyour resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks youto write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about afacet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application. Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be. Beingmoved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed athow happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about thistends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don’t do it. Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very commonexperience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you’re going to write about death or divorce, make sure tofocus on how youdealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic. Going meta.Don’t write about the fact that you’re writing the essay as we speak,and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader'shand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways. Offering your ideas on how tofix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me,there's just no way you are being realisticallyappreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing. Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive. Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality.â€Å"Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me.† Shoes are from several centuries ago and tend to be used as flower vases. And that's true for me too! Too Off-Topic Unlike the essays you’ve been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future.Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context. Examples: Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn’t the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the waysyou've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future. Documentinghow well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantasticlearning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements. Concentrating ona work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing ananalytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you’ve been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexasapplicationto get some advice on writing about someone else's workwhile making sure your essay still points back at you. If you write your essay about art, be theguy all the way on the right, looking right at the audience to explain what's happening. Don't be the guy who is totally absorbed bywhat he's looking at. (Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons) Want to write the perfect college application essay? Get professional help from PrepScholar. Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We'll learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay that you'll proudly submit to your top choice colleges. Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now: Too Offensive With this potential mistake, you run the risk ofshowing a lack of self-awareness orthe ability to be open to new ideas. Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that’s what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inabilityto communicate successfully with others. Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that. Examples: Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay standson any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person. Writing aone-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate. Mentioninganything negative about the school you’re applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices. Don't make your reader feel like they've suddenly gotten in the ring with you. College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you’re writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic – the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list. Tone-Deafness Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life – these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness. Examples: Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off. Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn’t know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommendthe simplest and most straightforward version:being self-deprecating and low-key. Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone. Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life. Edvard Munch probably didn't submit "The Scream" as his admissions essay. He smartly saved all that existential angst for his post-bac! (Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain], via Wikimedia Commons) Lack of Personality One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay? If the answer is yes, then you aren’t doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It’s very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student. Examples: Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible. Skipping overdescription and specific detailsin favor ofwriting only in vague generalities. Does yournarrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, whichcould apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you’re doing it wrong and need to refocus onyourreaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation. Your college essay isn't the place to be indistinguishable. Off-Kilter Style There’s some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn’t a free-for-all postmodern art class. True, there areprompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences. Examples: Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot ofurban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time. Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form.Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different. Using as many â€Å"fancy† words as possible and getting very faraway from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hearyournot fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it. If you dress like this every day, you can use all the fancy words you like. Failure to Proofread Most people have a hard time checking overtheir own work. This is why you have tomake sure that someone else proofreads your writing. This is the one place where you can, should – and really must – get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft. Otherwise, you look likeyou either don’t know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don’t care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?). Examples: Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand. Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant. Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read. Repetition: excellent for mastering the long jump, terrible for keeping a reader's interest. Bad College Essay Examples – And How to Fix Them The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So ifyou think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can’t bear being touched, you’ll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up! Nowlet’s take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed. Essay #1: The â€Å"I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak† Meta-Narrative Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all. In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishingthe college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans formy October, November and December. Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my momto talk about colleges. â€Å"Maybe you should write about Star Trek,† she suggested, â€Å"you know how you’ve always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll soundcreative!† I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like justa guy who can't getover the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossedmy essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun. I fell into astate of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senioryear. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomoreyear, and performing"I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public.And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as thecherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes. After 3 weeksof figuring myself out, I have convertedmyself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transforma human being into 603words surely deservesa gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voiceand decided that this was not the right essay either. In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trekand my enthusiasm forTREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays. With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree. What Essay #1 Does Well Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is. Killer First Sentence Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. Funny, striking, memorable – this sentence has it all: A strange fact.There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway? A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical.What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way? Direct engagement with the reader.Instead of asking â€Å"what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house† it asks â€Å"wasyour house ever destroyed." Speaking of tornadoes, how awesome was the Wizard of Oz? Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun. The author has hiscake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trekmythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computeralone in hisroom. You know, just in case. A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activismcouldcapture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words. Great Exit With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree. The essay illustrates its own stopping by having the narrator literally stop in the middle of a hike and narrowly avoid a collision. That’s funny and clever without being too gimmicky. The ending should be short and sweet, so your reader doesn't start wishing you'd turn into a human cannonball. (Image: fir0002via Wikimedia Commons.) Where Essay #1 Needs Revision Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine. Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all. In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishingthe college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans formy October, November and December. After 3 weeksof figuring myself out, I have convertedmyself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transforma human being into 603words surely deservesa gold medal. Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience. In the rewrite, I’d advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get tothe meat of the actual essay. Letting Other People Do All the Doing I sat down with my momto talk about colleges. â€Å"Maybe you should write about Star Trek,† she suggested, â€Å"you know how you’ve always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll soundcreative!† Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do.Not only that, but it sounds like both of the â€Å"incomplete† essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative. In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Stark Trekand the TREE versions of the essay as the author’s own thoughts rather than someone else’s suggestions. This way, the point of the essay – taking apart the idea that a college essay couldsummarize life experience – is earned by the author’s two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay. Don't be a passive panda. Be an active antelope. Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences Both the Star Trekfandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author – important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates.But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life. It’s fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves. In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests. How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today? Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix So, I tossedmy essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voiceand decided that this was not the right essay either. In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn'tcapture about the author.In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities. For example, after the Star Trekparagraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discussart forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who lovesStar Trek. Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting – is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist? Star Trek fans are a dime a dozen. But a Trekkie who is also a graffiti aficionado? Now that's a novel intersection of cultural tastes. Want to build the best possible college application? We can help. PrepScholar Admissions is the world's best admissions consulting service. We combine world-class admissions counselors with our data-driven, proprietary admissions strategies. We've overseen thousands of students get into their top choice schools, from state colleges to the Ivy League. We know what kinds of students colleges want to admit. We want to get you admitted to your dream schools. Learn more about PrepScholar Admissions to maximize your chance of getting in. Essay #2: The â€Å"I Once Saw Poor People† Service Trip Essay Unlike other teenagers, I’m not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteenyear-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on lifechanged after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn’t have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us. During the summer of 2006, I went on a community servicetrip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to helpthe unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies cryingfrom hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got tothe farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten daysI was there, it would be mine too. As all of this re alization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch adisease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice askingme in Spanish, â€Å"Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?† I looked down to see a small boy, around nineyears of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate aheadof themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all? Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive. What Essay #2Does Well Let's first point out what this draft has going for it. Clear Chronology This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out. Arranging your narrative in order of what happened when is a simple and surefire strategy. (Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons) Where Essay #2Needs Revision Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster. Condescending, Obnoxious Tone Unlike other teenagers, I’m not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteenyear-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. This is a very broad generalization, which doesn’t tend to be the best way to formulate an argument – or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population. In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on â€Å"other teenagers,† most of whom she doesn’t know and will never meet. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us. Coming from someonewho hasn’t earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word â€Å"compassion† sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves. Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boythe author was clearly not looking all that â€Å"fortunate† – instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting. Inthe nextdraft, a better hook could be making the essayabout the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip. A more meaningful essay would compare and contrastthe points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child’s point of view. It may help to imagine you have the compound eyes of an insect. How many different perspectives can you see and describe? Vague, Unobservant Description During the summer of 2006, I went on a community servicetrip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to helpthe unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies cryingfrom hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. Phrases likeâ€Å"cries of the small children from not having enough to eat† and â€Å"dirt stained rags† seem likedescriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyedgeneralizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid? The same goes forâ€Å"filthy rags,† which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmerssotheir clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had â€Å"stains† on it. The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. If this is the â€Å"most vivid memory,† then I would expect to read all the details that havebeen seared into the author'sbrain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did theyget there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace? There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass. Reading vague generalizations is like trying to make sense of this blurry picture. Is it flowers? Holiday lights? Confetti? Who knows. And after a while, who cares? Lack of Insight or Maturity But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten daysI was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch adisease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature. After all, this isn’t a a solo wilderness trek – the authoris there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips? In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered. Unearned, Clichà ©d â€Å"Deep Thoughts† But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive. Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the authorwas shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence.But what does â€Å"there is more to life than just being alive† even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur. In a rewrite,the essayshould becompletely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new versioncan end byon a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people’s perspectives. It's important to include deep thoughts and insights into your essay - just make sure your narrative supports your conclusions! The Bottom Line Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution. The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence. The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don’t know how to write, or don’t care enough to do it well. The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness. The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations. What’s Next? Want to read some excellent college essays now that you've seen some examples of flawed one? Take a look through our roundup of college essay examplespublished by colleges and then get help with brainstorming your perfect college essay topic. Need some guidance on other parts of the application process? Check out our detailed, step-by-step guide to college applicationsfor advice. Are you considering takingthe SAT or ACTagain before you submit your application? Read aboutour famous test prep guides for hints and strategiesfora better score. Want to improve your SAT score by 160points or your ACT score by 4 points?We've written a guide for each test about the top 5 strategies you must be using to have a shot at improving your score. Download it for free now: